Extreme Momaholic Times 2

I sure had my share of momming these past two days. We knew James needed his wisdom teeth out, and we were loosely planning it for the first Monday of his spring break. Sorry, no Cancun for this kid of mine, not this year anyway. The surprise came when Rachele called me as soon as she got home from skiing at Lake Tahoe with her friends (and PeekaBoo Street!!, no joke!!) with complaints of her wisdom teeth really bothering her. I half-jokingly asked her if she wanted to join Jamey and come with us to get hers out too. Well, she took us up on it, and after a rush consultation, we had the appointments back-to-back; 9:30 and 10:30 Monday morning.

I have to say, these kids of mine were calmer than I was. I tried not to show my distress of course, but any time your kids are getting knocked out (meaning general anesthesia) it is a source of major concern. Jamey went first, and as always, Rachele was my rock in the waiting room. Again, I managed to squelch any anxiety I was having with her right next to me - after all, she was the next one to go; had to stay (appear) nice and calm for her. Two and a half hours later we left the office, me armed with gauze and several sheets of instructions on how to best care for my little patients. They were a little out of it from the anesthesia, and looked pathetically adorable with their cheeks all puffed out with packed gauze. Off we went to pick up the many prescriptions and get home to change the gauze.

Yikes, all I can say is this was momming at an extreme level; only the strong survive this one. Mentally grueling and physically exhausting, a momaholic has to be at the top of her game for this feat - and times two kids, what a challenge. I had to make charts just to keep their medication straight. Not only that, I had to keep their bellies full for all of the medicines, and they couldn't chew. I also had to run ice packs back and forth for over 12 hours. Hysterical, really, the ice packs being frozen peas stuffed into the thighs of my pantyhose tights, with the legs tied on top of my kid's heads to keep them on. When this mental pciture enters my mind, even now, two days later, I could just loose it laughing. On Monday, however, there was no laughing, only worrying. Worrying that they would be in pain or not be able to eat or drink enough, Worry that they swell up like balloons overnight and their sweet faces would be almost unrecogniable on Tuesday morning. Worry that their mouths would start profusely bleeding overnight.

Okay, none of that happened. Matter of fact, they slept pretty decently and there wasn't one drop of blood on their pillows. And I guess the 'anti-swelling' medicine really works, because they looked amazing considering what they had just been through. We went for their follow-up and everything looked good. Still had to keep an eye out and juggle medicines, but they were both on the mend. Tuesday was a much better day.

Moral of this story ladies is that just when you think that maybe you're not needed that much anymore, along comes a call of duty, a big one, and you have to be ready. Ready to resume the roll we love best, momming our kids. Hey, I'm sleeping with one eye open - I never want to miss a momming opportunity, no matter how difficult, or how scary. So Rachele, Kristin, Charles and Jamey; I'm ready - bring it!

Birthday Eve

Yes, I've let this, my blog, go. I know I'm guilty. Truth is, I've almost posted at least a dozen times, then just kept my thoughts to myself. Tonight is different. Tonight I have thoughts that won't leave my head. Tonight raw emotion is running rampant in my mind and I need to write. Tonight is the eve of my first born son's birthday, his 24th. And in 24 years, this is the first time I won't be with him on his birthday. When he went off to college, I expected not to see him on his March 8th birthdays. As luck would have it, his spring break freshman and sophmore years were his birthday week; coming right after basketball season ended. His junior and senior years we had the thrill of watching him play NCAA games on his birthday, so we were with him then too. He moved out of our home to an apartment about three weeks ago, and since his birthday is on a week night this year, we won't see him til Friday. It's just so weird. He's had sooo many amazing birthdays that we've been a part of and for some reason, I'm remembering all of them tonight. Probably one of my favorites was when he was a senior in high school, and exactly on his birthday he was playing in the state sectional championship game, which meant the world to him. As he flew out the door to the game I kissed him good luck, knowing that this was going to turn out to be one of his best birthdays ever, or quite possibly the worst. And yes, it was one of the best.

When I was pregnant with Charles, towards the end I had a complication and had to be hospitalized about four weeks before he was due. I had to have a c-section, which was a first for me since I had the girls the good old-fashioned way. I was petrified to say the least. This night, 24 years ago, I had a hard time sleeping. I knew that the next day, around 10:30 am, I was going to have this baby. Being the chicken that I am, I was a wreck which continued into the next morning, even as I was whisked off to get prepped. We all have our own amazing childbirth stories, so I won't go into any detail. Suffice it to say that I was blown away shocked when I had this precious baby boy - the whole time I was convinced I was having another girl. He was so round and perfect; my baby boy. I've joked around over the years telling him how much I was racked with pain having him; showing off my scar. The truth of the matter is, now, so many years later, all I really choose to remember is the first time I laid eyes on his sweet face and held him to me.

Yes, no matter how old our babies get, these are the things a mother holds onto, our children's birthdays from the day we had them to the present and all of the special ones in between. 24 years ago tonight as I sat in that hospital bed wondering about the baby I was about to have, I never would have guessed just how great a child, and now a young man, that he would turn out to be. Charles, Happy Birthday I love you more than you know. XOXO

My Refuge

We all need a place to go when things in our lives aren't exactly right - or maybe just to steal away for a couple of hours to escape the reality of our own world. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks - my refuge is the dog park! I've been taking Luke every now and then, he has so much fun there and gets a great workout. What I didn't realize was how much I enjoyed going myself. Dogs and their owners enclosed in a very large fenced in area with benches, wood chips, trees, some dog toys and water bowls,tunnels to run through; what more do you need for an afternoon frolic. While he runs around like a frantic lunatic, chasing this, that and every dog in sight, I quietly sit on the bench inhaling the crisp cool air of late, soaking up the late September sun, lost in thoughts of everything and then nothing. Sitting there today I forgot that last night I clogged the garbage disposal. I forgot that I'm in three Science classes this year, and I hate Science. I forgot, for just a few minutes, how much I am missing Jamey and how empty our home and my heart feels without him. I forgot how tired I feel this week, just not myself, and how drawn my face looks. And oh yeah, I guess I also forgot how I should really be home doing a ton of housework instead of sitting here at the dog park. Yes, these things and more - they just don't matter for at least a little while.

I'm not sure how long you can keep going to the dog park. Does it close in the winter? Or do the dogs run around in the snow? I imagine that would be great fun to be all bundled up - I would still go, but will anyone else be bringing their dogs?? What about when we turn the clocks back and it's pitch black at 5:00 o'clock? I guess we'll have to go right after school when that happens.
Oh well, I'll just take it one day at a time. The important thing here is to have a safe place to go and hide from everything for a while. For now it's the dog park for me. Hmmm, the library could also work but I can't take Luke . . .

It's Official

As of Saturday, Jamey is a college student. Today he actually started classes, I wonder how that went. I'll call him later, I don't want him to feel like I'm stalking him!!

Anyway, Saturday couldn't have gone smoother. Jamey lucked out getting a first floor room. His roommate seems really nice, and their room looks cozy and comfortable. Not big of course, but I think big enough. I thought we were bringing too much stuff, but everything seemed to fit in perfectly with a little room to spare. It was an absolutely beautiful day to move in - the school had a big barbecue lunch for the families on the lawn with music. I once again felt confident about this choice for Jamey. It just seems perfect for him.

You might be wondering why I'm not writing all kinds of tear-jerk anecdotes right now. Don't get me wrong, I am feeling the loss of him, and feeling it big-time. I still can't go into his room, but that's okay. I'll eventually make it in there for my usual crying jag, but not yet. Yes, I did openly cry when I kissed him goodbye. And I found it extremely hard to let go of him, and he kind of just let me hang onto him, hugging me just as hard back. The thing is, he looked so excited and happy. After years of helping move his siblings in and out of college, year after year, it's finally his turn. It's his turn to grow up; his turn to make new friends, his turn to shine. Through my own pain of missing him and watching him move on and away, I know this. And I really am happy for him, so happy for him, I can't wait to hear all of his stories (at least the ones he'll share) this now-college son of mine. And I am already counting the days to parent's weekend.

I don't care how old he is, or where he lives, he'll always be my baby. That's the way it is, my sweet baby James.

THE Last Night . . .

Til we bring Jamey to college and I am a wreck. Cool collected Debbie (questionable on any given day) does not exist. She has been replaced with frantic momaholic Debbie, crying, running around doing all kinds of things to get ready, strolling down memory lane, crying again. The anxiety level is epic. I'm pretty good at holding it together in front of Jamey; I don't want to upset him.

We had a really nice last dinner. Jamey's favorite: chicken parm with spaghetti, salad, and brocoli. His girlfriend Kirsten ate over too; and I bursted out crying while saying goodbye to her. You not only miss your own kid; you also miss their girlfriend and friends in general hanging out at your house. Yes, it's gonna be mighty quiet around here.

I think we're bringing too much stuff. After getting everything finally packed tonight, I feel like it's just too much to start off. I better get up extra early and see if I can consolidate a little.

I've got to hold it somewhat together tomorrow. I don't want to stress Jamey out. How am I ever gonna do this? THIS IS MY BABY!!!!! Somebody help me please . . .

2 Days and counting . . .

Til Jamey goes to college. Yesterday was another good mommy and me day for us. I didn't have to work, so we basically spent the day picking out clothes to pack, organizing them, doing laundry as necessary, etc. We looked through pictures taken this summer and had some prints made. I plan on putting together a small album for him to take with him, JUST IN CASE he is missing all of us. I ran the gamut of emotions yesterday; laughing, tearing up (not that he could see, don't want to upset him), worrying, feeling anxious, and then at the end of the day just loving the hell out of this baby boy of mine. I mean, its gottne so bad at one point during the day while sitting on the floor of his bedroom I actually teared up lookiing at the hairs on his legs!!! Crazy, I know, but understand: THIS IS MY BABY!!!

Anyway, we topped off the night by meeting our friends Peggy, my friend, and mother of Jeffrey, Jamey's friend. Through the years, since kindergarten, the four of us have had many many adventures together. It was only fitting that we should have this 'last supper' together, the four of us. We went to one of our favorite pizza restaurants where the pizza crust is paper thin and it comes out of the oven piping hot and bubbly. The conversation was lively, and every now and again I would just glance over to Peggy, reading the anxiety in her face and measuring it with my own, - she was taking Jeffrey to Maryland today to move him in on Friday. Jeffrey is her baby too - she is feeling much the same way as me. We have mommed them for so long, and I mean mommed them! We spoke for a few minutes on this subject, and I'm sure Peggy and I will revisit it time and time again once these boys are gone.

Today as I was driving home thinking about college AGAIN, I was wondering: whose idea was it anyway that kids should go away? Not mine, that's for sure. Wish me luck . . .

4 Days and Counting . . .

til Jamey goes off to college. What a tough week for both him and I. Sunday was a great mommy and me day though. We pursued a spur of the moment idea to go up to Woodbury Commons Outlets and do some pre-college shopping. The main reason for going was to get him some kind of all purpose, all weather jacket which he could layer over his North Face fleece in the dead of Winter. We got the jacket and proceeded on to the Nike outlet, Jamey's ultimate favorite. We were in there for quite a while; when we were ready to leave, of course, unexpectedly, the skies opened up to a torrential downpour. We were both in shorts and t-shirts, with no other cover of any kind. Except for Jamey's all weather jacket. Needless to say, he wouldn't put it on, guess he wanted to keep it fresh for school (something I would do also). After waiting for as long as we both had the patience for, we decided to make a run for it. Our car was quite a distance away from where we were; we knew we were going to get soaked to the skin. And we did; what a sight we were! Mother and Son running in the rain, dodging huge puddles, water literally running down our faces. It was refreshingly fun, and a special memory in the making for us, although I didn't even realize it at the time. It didn't hit me til much later on at home. Yes, I'll definitely freeze that moment in my bottomless pit of a child-memory bank. And yes, in the days weeks and months to come, I'll recall it with longing for my college son.
Last night I fell asleep at about 10:30 but woke up an hour later to brush my teeth and get a drink of water. Once I climbed bck into bed, I couldn't go back to sleep, which is so unusual for me. I am a great sleeper, but this was not to be last night. I tossed and turned, worrying about Jamey, worrying about me without him, just thinking and worrying in a vicious cycle of non-sleep. I guess I finally drifted off about 2:00am; but even then, did not sleep in my usual rock-sytle; it was very light and broken, a really crappy night's sleep. I know in my heart that he'll be fine. And I guess I will too, eventually. This is just one really tough week. Stay tuned.