Yes, I've let this, my blog, go. I know I'm guilty. Truth is, I've almost posted at least a dozen times, then just kept my thoughts to myself. Tonight is different. Tonight I have thoughts that won't leave my head. Tonight raw emotion is running rampant in my mind and I need to write. Tonight is the eve of my first born son's birthday, his 24th. And in 24 years, this is the first time I won't be with him on his birthday. When he went off to college, I expected not to see him on his March 8th birthdays. As luck would have it, his spring break freshman and sophmore years were his birthday week; coming right after basketball season ended. His junior and senior years we had the thrill of watching him play NCAA games on his birthday, so we were with him then too. He moved out of our home to an apartment about three weeks ago, and since his birthday is on a week night this year, we won't see him til Friday. It's just so weird. He's had sooo many amazing birthdays that we've been a part of and for some reason, I'm remembering all of them tonight. Probably one of my favorites was when he was a senior in high school, and exactly on his birthday he was playing in the state sectional championship game, which meant the world to him. As he flew out the door to the game I kissed him good luck, knowing that this was going to turn out to be one of his best birthdays ever, or quite possibly the worst. And yes, it was one of the best.
When I was pregnant with Charles, towards the end I had a complication and had to be hospitalized about four weeks before he was due. I had to have a c-section, which was a first for me since I had the girls the good old-fashioned way. I was petrified to say the least. This night, 24 years ago, I had a hard time sleeping. I knew that the next day, around 10:30 am, I was going to have this baby. Being the chicken that I am, I was a wreck which continued into the next morning, even as I was whisked off to get prepped. We all have our own amazing childbirth stories, so I won't go into any detail. Suffice it to say that I was blown away shocked when I had this precious baby boy - the whole time I was convinced I was having another girl. He was so round and perfect; my baby boy. I've joked around over the years telling him how much I was racked with pain having him; showing off my scar. The truth of the matter is, now, so many years later, all I really choose to remember is the first time I laid eyes on his sweet face and held him to me.
Yes, no matter how old our babies get, these are the things a mother holds onto, our children's birthdays from the day we had them to the present and all of the special ones in between. 24 years ago tonight as I sat in that hospital bed wondering about the baby I was about to have, I never would have guessed just how great a child, and now a young man, that he would turn out to be. Charles, Happy Birthday I love you more than you know. XOXO
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