Little Kids, Little Worries; Big Kids, Big Worries . . .

I think the original saying goes "Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems." I felt the need to change it. In my situation, it's definitely worries (thank God, I think), not problems (I'll thank my kids too). Tomorrow Kristin is going on a business trip to Mexico. Not the Mexico that people flock to for fabulous vacation getaways; the other part of Mexico: the scary, tourist-hating, shooting people in cars Mexico. To put it bluntly, I am far from happy. I am scared to death.
She didn't want to come home this weekend, too much to do, so we decided to go into the city to take her and Rachele to dinner. Kristin jokingly referred to this as "The Last Supper". I was not laughing.

During dinner, conversation was light, the food was delicious, and it was just really nice. The only immediate family member missing was James who blew us all off for a party at his friend's house. Those teens! Oh well, three out of four isn't bad. Anyway, I guess I should have put on a braver front. I think all the hugging and the pleading look in my eyes made Kristin even more nervous than she already is. She got a little bitchy, and I guess I don't blame her. I've really got to try to hold some things in. I've got to try not to worry so much. I think giving her my silver rosary beads and the cross I made out of palm today in church may have been a little over the top. (It's palm Sunday, and I spend the whole mass making crosses out of the palms. I have to make four every year; one for each of my darlings.) It was just that I needed her to have these things for comfort - in case she felt the need for a healthy dose of spirituality, you never know. It sure is a great source of comfort for me. She will be home Friday, coming straight here from the airport. In the meantime, how will I sleep? How will I not spend every waking moment wondering if she's safe? Ugh; awful. I'll just have to muster up some strength from somewhere. Fill the time up with this, that and the other thing. I don't know, I'm scared for my baby girl, can't help it. Even worse is the fact that she has to go back the very next week. Again. Two weeks in a row, with only the short Easter weekend break in between. Are you kidding me? And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
At least when your kids are little, you can do everything in your power to keep them safe. When they're grown up and on their own, you can't. You just loose control, and I think that's the hardest part, giving up that control. Tonight I wanted to just lock the car doors and not let her out. Just take her back to our safe home and take care of her. But I can't. Good thing I have more rosary beads. I love you Kris - see you Friday, yes Friday. I'll be counting the days, hours, minutes. Godspeed. . .